~~~
5/22/2012 was her burial day.

Mia Rafina is my sister, adopted sister to be exact. But I love her like I love a real sister. I could still rewind freshly how she looked like the first time we met her when our parents came home along with that lil’ girl with a smile on her babyface. She was so beautiful, shone brightly among us. She was the first adopted child our parents ever had. Before the others began to come in, before the orphanage was successfully build. She was like a gift, especially towards me my self. She’s just different from my point of view.

Mia grew up magically, wonderfully, anything else I can describe her with something along the line of pretty and innocent. Until she was 7, and unwanted things were beginning to show up. She got in a physical accident one night, fight for her life with the coma for almost half a year, returned home with news from the doctor that broke her heart, had a trauma that she couldn’t just ignore and forget and caused the insomnia, started to come in and out of the hospital, lost track of her school, friends and realized that she was somehow different from what she was used to be. Or feel. She knew something was wrong, and she knew she gotta do something. I was one of the person… who maybe had been there with her almost all the time I could while she swayed in her own dilemma. I saw everything.. everything that she began to do starting at age 7 until the 20th May. I almost saw all of it, just failed to experience some of the memories I couldn’t race up with because I’ve got my other job to do too. But most of it, let me tell you, were of indescribably unforgettable memories. I learned alot from Mia, I got so much from her that I wished to keep it all safely with me for my future. She never ceased to open up my paradigms widely, just to make sure I really see things in the positive side. She gave me life, love, meaning of some lil’ things that I never thought of, woke me up from my slumber, sang me a song of no lyrics, and spend memories with me that I know will never be replayed back but will be kept safely in my blood. She was also the one to support me to take the army, when no one else did, when no one in my family ever listens to my wanting to serve the country. She told me of so much wise words, of so much hardships, as if she had been there before, when she was just 7, when she was just my little sister… Since that year, she seems to be more spiritually herself, she became positive, hard-worker, inspirational, matured, and everything that she wasn’t before. It all started since she was 7, and life became a black-and-white drama to her, that she knew she only had to do something valuable until the drama ends, and she had to stop acting.

She had liver cancer for almost ten years, and lately it had been eating her up from the inside very quickly. It was all due to this illness that she had to endure life without colours; though she never admitted that, but we all could see it. She tried her best not to make her family worried, and did the hard work just because of her, and she hated the pity eyes we all always gave her. Mia would say that ‘It’s not the end of the world.’ And I couldn’t help feeling another piece shattering in the core of my heart everytime she did that. She was so good at hiding her pain, her feeling of loneliness, her feeling of sadness of emotionally dying and her feeling of depression. She always put a bright face, gave a warm smile, helped anyone she saw in need, took all the miracle of the worlds positively, and stayed away from sadness. Mia always won whenever it was about spirit, and I kept on losing my faith, when she was the one who was sick and smeared with this illness that had lived with her for such a long time. Mia loved kids, and told me to do the same. She told me that they can bring miracles and faith to anyone whilst they’re still pure and innocents, she believed that kids are something worth to sacrifice your life for. That’s why she’s very closed with the kids in dad’s orphan, even my dad was lost. She managed to take all the kids’ attentions whenever she got in the orphan. Mia was the kind of person who’d do anything to be brave even when she’s scared, step up to defend someone, give enough warmth to the cold, not giving up to the things she thinks worth to be chased at, and just simply smile when someone said that they hate/dislike her.

Mia..was a strong girl. It struck me so badly, so very badly when she let go of her last breath. I was just there for two days beside her before she was gone. She never told me she was badly sick, she never tell anyone. Even her last text messages to me was of her feeling better and better. I wasn’t there when she needed me the most, I couldn’t do the things that she did to me. I would be crying all the time now, but I’ll fight for the fuckin’ tears to not trickle down cause Mia will hate that. She wouldn’t want any sadness. All she wished for was us to be thankful for what we have now, what we can hold now, what we can love now, because nothing’s forever, tomorrow you’ll never know…

I just want to apologize very deeply from behalf of my sister, Mia Rafina, to all of you here, to all that she had been in contact.I know she treasured this site deeply, she told me everything about this. And I respect you all, as much as she did. There are some of her latest writing in her notebook for some names, but I can’t quite make sure which are whom, so give me some time, then maybe I’ll email you the last gift. Thank you so much for everything that this site and the beautiful people that has supported Mia and befriended with her all this time, to those that she loved, whether the persons or their arts, I wanted to say thank you so much from the depths of my heart, because you guys are also one of the best to ever give her love that she couldn’t have around here.

“The internet is one thing I value the most, for it gives me the chance to meet faraway people with heart of love and arts.” - Mia.

There are so much more I want to tell the world about you, but I seemed to lose my strength.
I didn’t want to leave you just yet on your burial day, but I don’t want humans to see that I’m stupidly weak.
You aren’t lonely, are you.
May you rest in Peace, sweetheart. I love you.

Thank you, Dee.

It’s..time.

She’s in peace now. Resting beautifully. Under the moonlight shadows. It is her dream to be able to just close her eyes and show the cold world the warmth of her smile. Forever in time.

It… was her dream.

The final one.

For it came true.

Sleep very tightly, sweetie, we’ll …meet again soon.

-Dee.

I’m sorry…
I’m really sorry.

Maybe, afterall, I can’t do this.

I can’t bear it.

I can’t…stop them.

Somebody.

Have you ever
Felt the distance
Between us now
Getting worst after
You change into
Somebody.
Never do I
Believe you have
The heart to break
A love so pure and
forever stay but you
Leave.
You haven’t realize I
was the one who
Gets hurt as you
go away with all the
promises you made and
Denied.
Someone has to help
Me to erase this
Feelings as I want
To be happy even
If I’m not with
You.
It will never be
Easy to forget
Everything ‘cause I
Leave just to be
Alone.

It’s a realization that never get realized.